I wrote a thought on my old blog very early in the year about how so many of my friends happen to be amazingly creative people. I’ve managed to run alongside some fine writers, photographers, artists and composers in the past few years. Back then, I asked if it was an example of me specifically seeking out this quality, to try and live vicariously through them, and to maintain an image for myself.
I think there is something in myself that deliberately seeks this quality in people, but I also feel like we bond over common interests. I love music. I love art. I love to read even though I obviously don’t do that enough. Whenever I listen to an amazing piece of music, there’s this otherworldly aspect that I connect to. I When I write, and others recognize what I come up with as good, I do feel a little pride. There’s this drive to create: I honestly feel a little down every time I miss a five-minute free write or realize I haven’t written or taken a picture in a while. Is it just that I want to be seen as prolific or is it that I know I need to keep at things to develop my skills and discipline? I wonder if I have it in me to follow through on actually getting my work good enough to the point where it is published or exhibited. Am I just afraid to fail?
I’ve been thinking about old friends lately. I was reminded of a friend who died a few years ago when reading the Guardian’s Tom Waits article on that Facebook app that blabs what you’re reading. I’ve been thinking about another friend who is working on her PhD in England. Another friend in Calgary working as a lawyer and writing a novel. Another working as a curator in St. John’s. Friends in Dartmouth and Minneapolis each raising their new daughters. Friends in Fredericton building lives together and for themselves. Friends in Miramichi working to enjoy the day to day when they can. Friends making things, travelling, struggling, and generally moving forward. I go for stretches when I feel like I can’t break out of my stasis. I wonder if I would be inspired by spending some time with old friends. Somehow, I managed to cross paths with these amazing people.
This is delving into a little too much solipsistic self-deprecation with a little too much indirect name-dropping. “Look how cool my friends are!”. I kind of am wary of the vaguely spiritual, feel-good tone I was starting to get into as well. Bah.