I’ve been terrible about blogging lately, and to be honest, I’ve hit another block of dissatisfaction when it comes to this and the other blogs I keep in my name. I’m wondering if this is too much of a diversion from keeping an “official” web presence under my real name, but I realize doing that has implications on my professional image. I like having the potential for wider audience than a friends-only Livejournal post, but don’t feel as free to write about more negative emotional states or sexuality here than I would there. This space is supposed to keep me writing, but I find the block is coming at me again when I’m here.
I was glad to see 2012 off: there were a few highlights, and an important life change, but I also had another bout of illness (whooping cough in August/September), my parents’ dog died in Novemberand the whole spell of unemployment I went through until I did get work took its toll on me. It really did not help that I was living at home in an atmosphere that seemed to enable pessimism and reclusiveness, and the combination of it all brought me the biggest crisis in self-confidence I suffered in about 7 years. I’m glad to be in my own space again, and working at a steady job for now (even if it is a term position that may not last too much longer): I feel a bit more in control of my life and my destiny, and that helps.
But what of the new year? Where do I want to be at years’ end? Grand pronouncements that a year is going to be better than the last tend to blow up in the face of the person that make them, as do promises of lofty goals. I tried doing 30 before 30 last year. Didn’t exactly get everything done, but it was worth a try. I thought I would try to get another list of goals posted sometime by the end of the week, which I’m still trying to winnow down.
I think it’s time to think about what I really want out of life again, though. I’m so used to practicality and trying to be satisfied with the low-hanging fruit, and I really need a little more inspiration this time around. If you have a suggestion for something to get out of this year, I would really love to hear it.