Not In The Past

Looking forward from 30


I’m at a point where I’ve settled into a fairly comfortable routine, but now that I’m here, I’m starting to wonder what direction I need to go in.  The temporary nature of a term position reminds me that I need to figure out what direction to go in fairly soon, but at the same time I’m just grateful for the slight difference in work experience that the low pay doesn’t really faze me.  If anything, it reminds me how much I wasted on shit when I was living in Riverview.  I’m aware, though, that people younger than me are deeper into their professional lives than I am.  I don’t really see myself ever becoming a doctor or lawyer, though.  I’m aware I’m now in my 30s and and only getting older, but I don’t feel like certain parts of me have caught up to my physical age.

I haven’t found myself on too many explorations or excursions lately, but I did go to Retro At The CoHo last month and am considering going again.  One of my friends suggested trying a bar I haven’t been to before; there are way too many to choose from in Halifax.  I’m also looking to try new restaurants in the city (when the budget allows).

I’ve been blocked a fair bit mentally lately; maybe this is the result of the routine.  Mental blocks are familiar to any writers, but I wonder if the way I need to get around them is to force myself out of the routine and do a little more exploration.  It’s one thing when the mental block prevents me from writing stories and blog posts, but it’s another thing when I can’t bring myself to leave a comment, make a Facebook post or tweet.  It’s the most frustrating feeling…maybe it’s just that I’m holding things back.

I should be using this time to finally let me be my true self.


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