Not In The Past

Looking forward from 30

Archive for the month “December, 2012”


I was at work when I first heard about the massacre at Sandy Hook on Friday; I had seen stories pop up on my Facebook friend feed, but by the time everyone else at work was talking about it, the horror and revulsion had really set in.  Barack Obama’s emotional reaction to the senselessness of it all made it all the more real for me.

At this point, I have absolutely no tolerance for the pro-gun lobby in the United States.  I don’t know if it’s just because I can see it from a distance (being Canadian), but the way guns are woven into the history and culture of the nation  is absolutely absurd.  One of the first things I thought when processing the whole event was that there have been too many gun-powered massacres in such a short while, and that violence and guns are just so woven into the American history and culture.

It’s an understatement to say that America has a love affair with guns.  It’s become an outright detrimental fetish, as if to talk reasonable gun control was analogous to castration.  I’ve seen how some people talk about their right to own guns, as if anyone who doesn’t agree is an unholy, anti-American eunuch.  I’ve read fiction about armed citizens getting revenge on the criminal element that read with such eroticism infused in the act of pulling the trigger and ending a life that the author deemed to have forfeited its value.  It’s positively sickening.

Lack of access to proper mental health care is also an important factor in the tragedy that needs to be addressed, but I feel so strongly that this time the gun issue has to be dealt with now.  The pro-gun rights side cannot possibly say anything to really defend not increasing restrictions and regulations on gun ownership.  It’s not going to completely eliminate the problem, but there is no way that the blood of innocent children and other people can ever justify this particular freedom.  To continue to argue to do so just seems so fucking immoral.

Jane Devin has a piece on the whole issue that’s well worth reading.  One quote stood out:

I also know people who are hunters and responsible gun owners, although to my knowledge none of them own a semi-automatic assault rifle or have a stockpile of ammunition.

One citizen should not have enough firepower to kill that many people.



I’m at a point where I’ve settled into a fairly comfortable routine, but now that I’m here, I’m starting to wonder what direction I need to go in.  The temporary nature of a term position reminds me that I need to figure out what direction to go in fairly soon, but at the same time I’m just grateful for the slight difference in work experience that the low pay doesn’t really faze me.  If anything, it reminds me how much I wasted on shit when I was living in Riverview.  I’m aware, though, that people younger than me are deeper into their professional lives than I am.  I don’t really see myself ever becoming a doctor or lawyer, though.  I’m aware I’m now in my 30s and and only getting older, but I don’t feel like certain parts of me have caught up to my physical age.

I haven’t found myself on too many explorations or excursions lately, but I did go to Retro At The CoHo last month and am considering going again.  One of my friends suggested trying a bar I haven’t been to before; there are way too many to choose from in Halifax.  I’m also looking to try new restaurants in the city (when the budget allows).

I’ve been blocked a fair bit mentally lately; maybe this is the result of the routine.  Mental blocks are familiar to any writers, but I wonder if the way I need to get around them is to force myself out of the routine and do a little more exploration.  It’s one thing when the mental block prevents me from writing stories and blog posts, but it’s another thing when I can’t bring myself to leave a comment, make a Facebook post or tweet.  It’s the most frustrating feeling…maybe it’s just that I’m holding things back.

I should be using this time to finally let me be my true self.

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