Not In The Past

Looking forward from 30

Frames of mind

I’m still under the weather; I had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday where I was prescribed more antibiotics and sent to the hospital to be tested for whooping cough: nasal swabs are not fun.  I got a few calls back about potential employment, with a phone interview scheduled for the coming week so I would be less likely to fall into another coughing/vomiting fit (there, I’ve made you all sick).

I sometimes get a little panicky about my perfect storm of illness, unemployment and my EI benefits due to end sometime very soon, and wonder if I’d have to spend another year at my parents’ house, in a pseudo-city that offers little in terms of employment, and is about to become even more isolated thanks to cuts in public transportation.  I sometimes feel like I’m always waiting for the “start” of my life.  What’s worse is that I feel mentally blocked a lot more these days, finding myself in the same feedback loops and experiencing this repetitious story that I don’t feel any power to get out of.  Whether that’s actually true or not is irrelevant; it’s all a matter of frame of mind.  This frame of mind makes me only put minimal effort into cultivating and nurturing relationships with friends and acquaintances; blogging, Facebook posts and tweets directed at nobody are my half-assed efforts to say hi.

I think I’ve got way too much clutter in my life.  Too many piles of unnecessary stuff to sort through, compartmentalize, and decide what to get rid of.  I don’t know; I just feel weighed down by material possessions, old clothes, and bad habits.

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One thought on “Frames of mind

  1. Wonderful news Ben!! Congratulations:-)

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