Not In The Past

Looking forward from 30

To move or not to move

I’m still looking for work; I haven’t heard much from my applications aside from a handful of form-letter rejections.  I’m wondering if part of my lack of job hunt success is that I have a Miramichi address, a Moncton cell number, but I’m looking in Halifax.

I wonder if I’ll have more luck if I move to Halifax before landing a job.  The main issue with that right now though is I really don’t have the money for a place right now.  My parents offered to lend me a little for the very short term, but they really don’t have much money.  I have a few friends down there (I’ve stayed with them on prior trips to the city), but I’m concerned about overstaying my welcome or goofing off too much.  My EI is going to run out and I’m concerned I still won’t have a job.  Doesn’t help that I have some debt either.  Some people say that taking the leap is the key because otherwise we’d be always waiting for the right time to do it, but I wonder if I even have that option anymore.   Not being 100% frugal and responsible during this time, even if it was to provide a temporary lift to my spirits or attend a friend’s wedding, only increases my guilt as there is a separate set of rules for the haves and have-nots.  That’s why I was questioning whether I really needed my camera: I felt like I had to justify owning such an expensive piece of equipment, even if I did get it before I left Riverview.

The responsible thing is to stay in Miramichi or go to a closer city, possibly take yet another call centre job, and save money for the big move.  The trouble with this scenario is that I know myself too well: I’d get complacent in the job, and try to distract myself from boredom or misery by spending the money I was supposed to save.  I feel time’s running out; I’m 30 and I still don’t feel like I’m getting a running start on life.  If I stay in Miramichi, take another call centre job or end up at Wal-Mart, I know its only going to make me depressed.  I won’t even be able to write.  I wonder if I need to push myself even further away from here, maybe go West.  No money -> lack of options, and most of the remaining ones are dead ends.

Maybe it’s just my pride preventing me from mooching off friends, or maybe it’s that I don’t want to impose or strain the relationship.

I’m at a crossroads.

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