Not In The Past

Looking forward from 30

Trying

One thing I like about Something Positive is that sometimes I find it comforting reading one of the storylines where one of the characters goes through ruts or feeling like they’re merely passing time.  There was that story years ago, when Davan was working in that horrible medical billing job, and now the most recent story has Vanessa trying to shake PeeJee out of her funk with a night at a burlesque show.  There was a line in one of the strips that really got to me: “I gotta make changes in my life but I know myself.  I’m going to need you to keep on me and make sure I’m still trying.”

I hate the feeling of knowing there are things that you want to be doing differently with your life, but finding yourself give way to the habits that have pudged you up and softened your mind.  I wonder if people that know me see through my posts where it seems like I’m actually making a concerted effort to make my life better.  Because I know myself: I’m someone who tends to try to get through things unscathed.  I wonder if other people identify my rough patches better than I think they do.  I usually try to mask them, largely because I don’t really want to alarm some of the more over-protective or irrationally anxious people I know.  I also have a tendency to want to be left alone, and worry that talking about what I’m going through could be taken either as a bid for pity or whining.

When do you need to rest and when do you need to keep pushing on?

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