Where are my words?
What really frustrates me more than anything when it comes to writing is noticing myself drifting into vague generalities with my posts. I get a little depressed when I notice a group of blog posts that have that same open-ended “try to sound like I’m going somewhere” posts that could have been written by anyone.
What bothers me about them? I feel like I’m holding back whenever I write things like that, as if my entire purpose of writing a blog is to get people to like me. There’s a line you have to straddle to be appealing without seeming desperate for accolades or recognition, and whenever I find myself deliberately trying to make myself veer into narratives about growth and discovery (instead of letting them emerge out of the details of the post), I kind of feel like it’s forced and ingratiating. Whenever I go through one of my rough patches, I still wonder if I’m being too self-indulgent, coming across as whiny.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how much detail helps writing. I find there’s a lot of beauty in specificity, and what actually draws me to writing is the way they capture a specific mind or world through the use of language. I’m worried that I’m so afraid of revealing too much of myself that it’s watering me down, and I either become mute or too strident.
What also bugs me? Those moments where I can’t find the words that do justice to what I want to say. No matter how on-point or honest it sounds in my head, by the time the words are staring back at me in the WordPress text box, they become just another sentence or paragraph: mere words instead of an accurate representation of the idea I’m trying to get across. There are days when I want to make sure I’m still piping up from time to time, but sometimes I decide it’s better to fall silent than to go through the motions.