Overthinking and fear
I’m a chronic overthinker, which is why sometimes I don’t get around to writing as much as I want to. I have times when I have these very clear, direct messages I want to get out urgently, and then I come up with all these rationalizations for not going ahead and doing it. Sometimes the words that pop into my head don’t turn out to be the ones that really nail what I’m feeling, and the correct ones just won’t materialize. Sometimes I do something in the heat of passion, and then wonder what the consequences are going to be after the fact: sometimes I let this stop me from doing other things.
I know fear is the basis. Sometimes, it can be justifiable, but once you let fear govern every decision you make, you become hollow, with no defense mechanism to guard against even the tiniest of disappointments. One hit, you’re shattered.
Every so often, I retreat from engaging with friends and acquaintances. I wonder if this has anything to do with it. I express myself strongest through writing. When I stop writing, I’m withdrawing from the world.