My original goal for this blog was to just get into the habit of writing again, without really much thought into presenting a coherent story or log of my day so far. I often forget I can just write whatever when I’m using the internet without having to tailor to my audience or to have a finished story. I just want to be able to use this space for whatever my imagination cooks up, but I have been working on a short story: it’s just too easy to get distracted with the particulars before I can even work something out on the page.
I think that in case I end up somehow hobnobbing with the moderately financially secure and somewhat interesting, I would at least need to refine this air of dreamlike observation. I work on it whenever I sit in a cafe with my pen and pad, sucking blended juices and ice through a plastic straw. I can almost pass for contemplative, but I really don’t mull over anything besides how to spend the next 20 minutes before they lock up and send me and the wizard-bearded man reading the newspaper on our way. Maybe it’s my surroundings; very lackadaisical with the clouds drifting faster than everything else seems to be moving. I see cars speeding in the distance but from my perspective they might as well be insects, only making everything else look even more still.
Sometimes I can actually create whole imagined encounters and conversations when I’m just trying to keep distracted, but to actually translate these from brain wave to written word is just something I haven’t disciplined myself into doing yet. There’s always this disconnect: where you are vs. where you want to be. Vivid images somehow falling into the traps of not being able to find the correct word to do it justice.